Tinder is a trip, man. For those who have been afforded the opportunity to get out there and get their swipe on in multiple states, there is no question that the variety and disparity of people looking for some action between different 38-mile radii is vast.
Much like an area develops a dialect, an area’s Tinder profiles too possess a unique patois — one that speaks to the nature of the place’s activities and attractions. While one might expect a place as unhinged and unchecked as South Florida to boast a veritable buffet ofwhat-the-fuck!? on Tinder, we’ve found quite the opposite.
5. The Birthday Dessert Surprise
Let’s be honest: There really is nothing more attractive than a blurry photo of someone receiving a gigantic dessert plate splattered with a name and age in chocolate syrup. On the upside, you really do look ravishing in the glow cast by that sparkler, and now I know that you enjoy the Cheesecake Factory as much as I do!
It’s Florida — everyone has been on a fucking boat and taken the token boat pic. It’s not unique. It doesn’t really say anything about your interests, and we know you don’t own the thing. That is, unless you do, in which case, my college loans and I want you to take us out to dinner.
College is cool. Having an education is definitely sexy, but making your former alma mater the focus of your profile is really awkward for other grownups, especially those that didn’t go to that school. Live in the now, bb. Also, if this is your high school mascot, that’s a littletoo creepy.
2. Safety in Numbers
Why are there six people in your profile picture? Who are you? Why aren’t you proud enough to stand on your own — a singular, thirsty Tinderoni awaiting a swipe? Is this a ploy to get me to take a closer look at your profile? Is this a way of silently screaming how well-liked you are? Chill.